Monday, July 2, 2018

Consult A Character #2 + Giveaway: Thomas Cresswell


Hey everyone! Welcome to the second edition of my new feature—Consult A Character—where your favorite fictional characters will be sharing their wise advice for your day to day problems and complaints!


Do you need some advice from a fictional character? Submit your questions to this Google Form or simply leave them in the comment section! The authors characters pick which questions from my list they want to answer for each feature, so if you do submit a question, be sure to check back and see if someone has responded to it!


Today, we welcome Thomas Cresswell from Kerri Maniscalco's Stalking Jack the Ripper series to answer a few questions from concerned readers! We hope that you enjoy all of Thomas's replies, as well as the giveaway for an ARC of Escaping from Houdini!


ABOUT THOMAS CRESSWELL:

Thomas Cresswell is an aspiring forensic postmortem specialist and wickedly handsome young man from Victorian London. When not studying cadavers, he can be found flirting shamelessly with his partner in crime, Miss Audrey Rose Wadsworth, or practicing his deductions on unsuspecting members of society.


Dear Thomas,

I’ve been secretly feeding my boyfriend vegetarian products for a couple of months now that he has enjoyed without noticing. He always claims that vegetarian products are gross though and makes fun of me for eating them! How should I break it to him?

Sincerely, Vindicate

Dear Vindicated,


Eating your veggies is better than slipping arsenic into your luncheon, or some other such comment ought to do the trick. Or perhaps it’ll scare him away and you’ll find a gentleman more suited to your vegetarian-product-loving ways.

-Thomas Cresswell

Dear Thomas,

My dream career is to become a famous YouTuber but my mom thinks it's crazy and unrealistic and is just generally not supportive about it. But my brother wants to be an actor and she drives him around on auditions and stuff! What should I do?

Sincerely, Unloved Offspring

Dear Unloved,


What is this “youtuber” career you speak of? Perhaps your mum is worried you’ll want to wrangle unicorns next.

-Thomas Cresswell


Dear Thomas,

My friend keeps trying to get me to critique his writing for a book he is writing, but the things I have read of his, I really didn't like! I don't want to hurt his feelings though, but I don't know what excuse to come up with to avoid it. Any suggestions?

Sincerely, Trying To Be Nice

Dear Trying,

Business and pleasure ought never to mix. Tell this friend of yours his manners are nearly as reprehensible as his writing. That should work quite well.


-Thomas Cresswell



Dear Thomas,

I have a friend who changes any topic of conversation into a something about himself. I've tried steering the topic to something totally unrelated but somehow, it always gets back to him. I really feel like he is totally not interested in what's going on in my life, but is just using me to vent about his own problems. I've also come to realize that he honestly doesn't understand that he does this, and often talks about how he "hates people like that". What's the best way to confront him about this?

Sincerely, Annoyed

Dear Annoyed,

It might be quite fun to answer him in riddles. Make sure they’re completely unrelated and when he gets annoyed, which he surely will, move on to only responding with information about your day. He will either get the point, or you will be rid of such an annoying friend. Either way, you win.


-Thomas Cresswell


Dear Thomas, 

The store where I work has a makeup requirement for female employees only. I have very sensitive skin and try not to wear much, but recently a male co-worker commented about it and my boss overheard. Even though my boss didn't care before, she mentioned that I should "put in more of an effort" at work, which pisses me off since I'm usually employee of the month! And it feels like a really sexist rule! What would you do if you were me? 

Sincerely, Hates Makeup

Dear Hates Makeup,

If my boss imposed such a ridiculous workplace rule, I’d cover myself in blood obtained from a butcher, lie on a postmortem table pretending to be a cadaver, and give him a good fright when he next entered the laboratory.

*Audrey Rose enters the room, reads over Thomas’s shoulder and sighs* You cannot be serious Cresswell. That is terrible advice!

*Thomas scratches out above*

Hire a clown to do your makeup. When your boss orders you to wash it off, use artificial means to accentuate how red and splotchy your skin has become. I suggest adding some of that theater wax that makes it appear as if your flesh is falling off. Surely a lighter makeup look will be better than a potential plague victim.

-Thomas Cresswell with the help of Audrey Rose



Dear Thomas,

I'm a grown woman who is tired of people baby-talking at me and calling me "little missy" because of my high-pitched voice, which apparently makes me sound younger. How can I exude terror and make people more intimidated of me? 

Sincerely, Squeaky

Dear Squeaky, 

Find a python or tarantula, name it Missy, and teach it to perch on your shoulder like a familiar. Then, in your high-pitched voice, ask if “little missy” is hungry and give the offenders a pointed look.

-Thomas Cresswell





Check out the upcoming third installment of the Stalking Jack the Ripper series, Escaping from Houdini! 

Publisher: Jimmy Patterson (Hachette Book Group)
Pub. Date: September 18, 2018
The #1 New York Times bestselling series that started with Stalking Jack the Ripper and Hunting Prince Dracula continues in this third bloody installment! A luxurious ocean liner becomes a floating prison of madness and horror when passengers are murdered one by one...with nowhere to run from the killer.

Audrey Rose Wadsworth and her partner-in-crime-investigation, Thomas Cresswell, are en route to New York to help solve another blood-soaked mystery. Embarking on a week-long voyage across the Atlantic on the opulent RMS Etruria, they're delighted to discover a traveling troupe of circus performers, fortune tellers, and a certain charismatic young escape artist entertaining the first-class passengers nightly.

But then, privileged young women begin to go missing without explanation, and a series of brutal slayings shocks the entire ship. The disturbing influence of the Moonlight Carnival pervades the decks as the murders grow ever more freakish, with nowhere to escape except the unforgiving sea. It's up to Audrey Rose and Thomas to piece together the gruesome investigation as even more passengers die before reaching their destination. But with clues to the next victim pointing to someone she loves, can Audrey Rose unravel the mystery before the killer's horrifying finale?



a Rafflecopter giveaway



Who are some characters you'd like to get advice from? Remember if you would like to submit your own questions to be used to in this feature, fill out the Google form or simply leave a comment below!

19 comments:

  1. I love Thomas so much and this is such an awesome post!! Thanks for the giveaway, too :)

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  2. I love these posts, they're so creative and spot-on for Thomas! Thanks for the give-away :)

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  3. The makeup advice is hilarious--I love the butcher's blood as well as the clown makeup artist. I can totally picture this.

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  4. I haven't read Stalking Jack the Ripper because of the mixed things I've heard but now I'm leaning towards really wanting to buy it because of this post. So awesome! :D

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  5. I love this!! So much fun XD I can't wait for more Thomas <3

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  6. This is great! I love little things like this. It really brings the fans together

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  7. I love this! Thomas always has the most interesting thoughts.

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  8. Some of these are actually helpful, in its own twisted way. Mr. Cresswell is as witty as ever :) I might take up the advice on the make up.

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  9. Omg, this was super funny! Btw, I’ve been dying to read Escaping from Houdini since February, can it be September already?

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  10. This was SO MUCH FUN!! Thomas always has his take-no-shit charm about him!
    I know we talked this on Twitter, and I know it'd be super hard in the foreseeable future, but my dear Nina Zenik!

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  11. Looking forward to reading Escaping from Houdini! Thank you

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  12. So glad I seen Kerri's Instagram post that led me here. Loving your content thus far. Also, thank you for the giveaway chance!

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  13. So glad I seen Kerri's Instagram post that led me here. Loving your content thus far. Also, thank you for the giveaway chance!

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  14. I love this post! Even without the giveaway it gave me a good chuckle - the giveaway is just the icing on the cake! I can't wait to read Escaping from Houdini!! <3

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  15. This is such a cool idea! Thank you for the giveaway. also.

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  16. This is so much fun! I like the “well, it is better than arsenic” and “covered in blood” advice the best! Thanks for the giggle.

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  17. I love Thomas and I hope we'll get to read more of him in the future!

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  18. OMG THESE ANSWERS WERE HILARIOUS. I feel bad for not having read the Stalking Jack the Ripper books yet! I do have an ebook, though, so I need to try it soon! (Also I totally relate to the last question, except that the problem's my height and not my voice. xD)

    - Aimee @ Aimee, Always

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